It Gets Better

At least, I hope it does. Memorial Day weekend I had a mini meltdown and that sort of spilled over into the greater household. A tough week followed and last weekend wasn't really any easier. I felt like a Hank Williams song.

Even when the pressure began to lessen as this week progressed I still found myself channeling my Inner Mr. Darcy - who, to quote Miss Elizabeth Bennet was "of an unsocial, taciturn disposition, unwilling to speak, unless we expect to say something that will amaze the whole room, and be handed down to posterity with all the eclat of a proverb.”

Whence my continued bloglessness. 

And as I've tried to work my way through this without, you know, weeping in my cereal or at county meetings, I've suddenly realized that, while I have some legitimate issues stressing me out - most of which are not fare for public consumption - the habit of trying to make Everything Come Out Alright has prompted me to pick up burdens that aren't even mine and toss them onto my back.

As if I've been gathering party favors for a Pity Party.

I think it's time for a pow wow with TheBrains. So you two ... what's going on?

RIGHT BRAIN:  Ahh Ahh Ahh  TheBudget! TheElections! TheCommittee! TheBook! SummerReading! TheBoard! TheHusband! FatFatFat! AIIEEEEE!  It's all going to crash down into a conflagration and anyone who survives will be living in
After the world is left devastated by a vampire pandemic in Jim Mickle's impressive low-budget post-apocalyptic thriller, the survivors are forced to wander a devastated US landscape dodging religious fantastics and bloodthirsty monsters who will stop at nothing to see humanity at its knees.



 LEFT BRAIN: 
Or that brain. She's crazy. I've got everything under control.

RIGHT BRAIN:  You think. Just ignore me and watch the damage I can create. You ain't seen nothin' yet.

LEFT BRAIN:Oh lord. Just put your panties on and listen. I've got a plan. Or at least I've got a list.

RIGHT BRAIN:  See? See? See how you always dismiss me and my feelings. You - you lazy schoolmarm. Why did you let it get this way?

LEFT BRAIN:  (Pauses and then sighs) You're right. I have been lazy about making a plan to get us through the next year or so. But that's partly because you've been so depressed and frightened. I've been too busy looking for reasons you shouldn't be so scared  ... like what Martha Beck said this morning ...

Living fully requires a return to the looseness that predates our first breath to an untroubled trust that we are supported by a universe that has no interest in hurting us, only in teaching us to dance.

~ O, The Oprah Magazine, July 2015 Martha Beck ~

RIGHT BRAIN:  Oh. Yeah. I forgot about that

LEFT BRAIN:Right. "Oh yeah." and remember that mantra "That may be true, but not for me" from Esther Hicks?  About how to feel when ... ya know ... Apocalypse feels like it's Now?

RIGHT BRAIN:  Yeah. I remember. I even tried some but it wasn't enough. I needed more.

LEFT BRAIN:Well, I knew that. That's why I was looking for more soothing mantras and reminders. Instead of making a plan.

RIGHT BRAIN:  And also because you're lazy.

LEFT BRAIN:LOL. I am. I know it. Especially because ThisPlan is all about the BigEnd and you know neither of us gets any reward from completion. We're E.N.F.P. and we're look-a-bird people. 

RIGHT BRAIN:  (smiling) Yeah. we are. and it's true - this week we've gotten a lot of scary things done and I'm not quite so sure there is a zombie outside the door. 

LEFT BRAIN: Nope. No zombies. Just patterns. Habits and knee jerk reactions to stress - things we ought to have recognized sooner. 

RIGHT BRAIN: Patterns?

LEFT BRAIN:yeah - Like in Mike Byster's book  -
   just, not number patterns but a way of responding to stress we have that isn't useful. 

RIGHT BRAIN: You mean the way I respond.

LEFT BRAIN:Well, yeah, But we're all in this one. You might have the impulse but I'm the one that starts listing all the ways we've been put upon. When we go out and put a lot of that stuff on ourselves. 

RIGHT BRAIN: We did?

LEFT BRAIN:Yes. you too - onancounta you are all the time feeling "I can do that" and "I should do that" and I can fix it and I can take care of that and you know - I, me, me, I

RIGHT BRAIN: Oh. Hmm. Makes me sound sort of stupid doesn't it?

LEFT BRAIN:Eh. No point in name calling - it wouldn't really be true, now would it?

RIGHT BRAIN: Uhm. No. And besides, my feelings are legit.

LEFT BRAIN:Legit, yes, as in, they're real, but are they the right feelings at the right time? I mean ... do you really think ______ and ______ and _____ are wanting to torment us? Crush us? 

RIGHT BRAIN: Sometimes.

LEFT BRAIN:Really?  

RIGHT BRAIN: We ullll.. It FEELS that way.

LEFT BRAIN: But can you see any other way that crushing behavior could be explained? 

RIGHT BRAIN: As in - somebody we know and love might be scared because we're withdrawing 'cause we just have so dang much to do?

LEFT BRAIN:Yup.

RIGHT BRAIN: It's a pattern isn't it?

LEFT BRAIN:Do you remember? Do you remember the last time we had a massively giNORMOUS project to complete? And how we felt? and how we behaved?

RIGHT BRAIN: Yeah - and I've felt guilty about that ever since. 

LEFT BRAIN:Right. So - let's not do that again. Let's not withdraw again.

RIGHT BRAIN: So do we you have a plan yet?  Other than not withdrawing?

LEFT BRAIN:Well. Hmm. No. But I do have a sort of list of Things To Do with dates on them.

RIGHT BRAIN: Yeah, but here it is Friday and I feel like that list is not complete.

LEFT BRAIN: It's not

RIGHT BRAIN: So ... can we get it done?

LEFT BRAIN:I don't know. 

RIGHT BRAIN: AIIIEEEEE

LEFT BRAIN:Stop that. Nobody knows. all we can do is try.

RIGHT BRAIN: (swallowing back a scream) gulp. Okay.

LEFT BRAIN:right. Okay. But here's a mini plan for the weekend. Let's take TheNotebook home with us and make a list of TTD for Monday. 

RIGHT BRAIN: Okay

LEFT BRAIN:And we can work on the bigger TTD for June as well.

RIGHT BRAIN: Okay.

LEFT BRAIN:And we can worry about July's TTD list ... Oh - I've got it - Next weekend. 

RIGHT BRAIN: Alright. I'm good with that. 

LEFT BRAIN:so is there anything else you'd like to do - anything else that would make you feel better?

RIGHT BRAIN: Uhm. Maybe. All these TTD lists and stuff - they're all WERK. Where is my play. And my ART?

LEFT BRAIN:Well - what sort of art would make you feel happy?

RIGHT BRAIN: Tablecloths. I want to sew tablecloths. and napkins. to go with the new dishes.

LEFT BRAIN:Okay. When? This weekend?


RIGHT BRAIN: Uhm. No. No. I want to do them on Friday. Next Friday. When everone's gone and the house is clean and it's perfect.

LEFT BRAIN:LOL! It's never going to be perfect, but I know what you mean. Okay. I promise. Next Friday we get out all that cloth and the sewing machine and make tablecloths.

RIGHT BRAIN: And can we design the new closet?

LEFT BRAIN:Of course. We can start doing that this weekend. 

RIGHT BRAIN: Oh. Goodie. That's really going to be something, isn't it. It'll be worth having a construction crew all over the house this summer to get that.

LEFT BRAIN:I think so too.

RIGHT BRAIN: Okay. Then I'm good. I'm still a little scared, but I'm good.

LEFT BRAIN:That's probably about as good as an E.N.F.P. is ever going to feel when she's working on a big closure project. 

RIGHT BRAIN: (chuckles) Yeah, a Big Bird Project.

LEFT BRAIN:(laughs) Okay. Then let's get out of here. What do you want for dinner?

RIGHT BRAIN: Chicken!

LEFT BRAIN:Done!


Okay - it sounds like TheBrains have the beginnings of a plan. And we all sure feel more relaxed this Friday than we did last Friday. I guess that's about as good as we can make it right now. 

Baaaaad Blogger

  I've started at a dozen blog posts and petered out writing them in May - and here it is, almost the very last day of the month with nothing to show for a month of Mayness. Nor any Aprilness, for that matter. Baaaaad Blogger.

Well. Okay. I'm gonna cut myself some slack for my reticence because it has been a tough tough couple of months. Lots of the things I wanted to blog about, or gripe about, or just vent about, were things that don't belong on social media. That's still true, of course, but they're just enough behind me that I don't think I'll slide down that slippery slope.

And of course, that begs the question ... what does belong on social media? If it's all selfies and MyBigFatPerfectLife, then aren't we just 2 dimensional advertisements for the props in our photos?

I'm still enough of a 19th century southern belle to live by the dictum that we "don't air our linen in public". Venting should be restricted to things that deserve vitriol, like, oh, you know, cropped pants.

Even these 7 foot tall models have stumpy short legs in cropped pants! I mean ...who wants to have stumpy short legs?!? or worse - broad derrieres!

Which doesn't mean there isn't a place for shorter pants or jeans, just so long as they taper towards the ankle, a la Audrey Hepburn or they really are jeans you've rolled up so you can go wading in the ocean. That mid-calf flare doesn't do a thing for any woman and in  heels? Sheesh. Really. And yes. Some of my sweetest dearest friends wear them and they all end up with wide derrieres as a result. eh. What's a math loving. proportion seeking geometrist to do?

Or leggings? I don't care how young and fit you are or how far you've strayed in the opposite direction - leggings are for exercising in or layering, as in ... they should come with mandatory tunics. What ever it is you think you look like when you wear leggings with short tops - you don't. You look mostly naked and if you are not at the beach or in a gym class - you shouldn't be dressed like that in public.

Honest and true - there is such a thing as beauty and it starts with proportion. In fact, scientists have demonstrated that the equilateral triangle is the most pleasing shape to the human eye and the more of them you are born with, or can create with artful dressing, the more beautiful you'll appear. Don't believe me? Watch John Cleese's fascinating DVD FACE or read the book - DK 2001. Your public library can get it for you.  And here's a link about it:

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/the-human-face/

So it must be true because, after all, "Scientists Say",  as in this quote from The Guardian's Martin Robbins in his March '12 eponymous article:

"... when the phrase is employed, 'scientists say' no such thing. Some scientists say it, some don't, and some might say something completely different. Often the writer makes little attempt to clarify where the claim stands in the grand order of things."

https://www.theguardian.com/science/the-lay-scientist/2012/mar/06/2

Nevertheless - FACE is a delightfully interesting documentary and truly worth a few hours of watching.

Okay - that's the sort of venting you're supposed to do in social media.

So - anyway - what's the problem with TheQueen these days that makes her only want to gripe on her blog and ... well ... who cares what bothers her anyway?

Sigh. I am not sure. Or in the places I am sure, I just can't bring myself to spit it out here. So it probably means that I have some hard work to do behind the scenes before I am ready to go public. It's always so much easier to muse about how the process went, than to (B)log my way through the process in real time.  And as I've pondered this, it hit me - I need to start with where I want to be and work my way backwards.  So the other day I sat down with pen and paper and began a list of all the deadlines I have - or at least as many of them as I can think of. With those in hand I began to list the steps that need to be taken to get me where I want to be.

LEFT BRAIN:  sometime in late July or maybe sometime in August - no no no wait! sometime in 2017.

 RIGHT BRAIN: No no! We can't possibly plan that far ahead! Too much! too much!

LEFT BRAIN:  Okay - maybe 2017 is too far out. We'll stop with mid-August.

 Well, hello you two. I thought you'd be lurking around here somewhere.

LEFT BRAIN:   Of course we are. We're in your head. you know that. And it was my idea to start making the lists and charts. I'm the only one around here who can come up with a plan.

 True. Thank you for that. Do you have anything more to add?

LEFT BRAIN:  No. I'm still formulating the plan. And I don't trust you-know-who to say anything sensible.

RIGHT BRAIN:  Of course I wont say sensible things. I only say TRUE things. And it's TRUE that I'm relieved you started a plan because I've been feeling reeeeealy unsafe. And scared. And worried. And overwhelmed. and I think I'll go hide under the pillow right now because that's how I feel these days.

LEFT BRAIN:  I knew that. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure out how to make a plan. I'm still not done with this one yet. It's just a start.

 RIGHT BRAIN: That's okay. It's a start and we really need to start. I already feel a little bit better, even though my tummy hurts. I have guilty gut. I'm going back to bed.

LEFT BRAIN:  I'm checking out too. We just didn't want you to forget about us.

 How could I?  You're in my head - all the time.

LEFT BRAIN:  Better in your head than dead. Which is what you'll be when we aren't here any more.

RIGHT BRAIN: (giggles)

 True. Well hop back into my head ... or go to bed ... while I wind this up. We can come back and lay out the plan when it's finished.

LEFT BRAIN:  plans are never finished. they're dynamic road maps, subject to change.

 You know what I meant. I just wonder if anybody else would understand where I am right now? I mean - should I post this at all?

RIGHT BRAIN: Of course! Spit it out.

LEFT BRAIN:  I agree - put it out there so it isn't cluttering up my work space.

RIGHT BRAIN: Yeah or giving us a tummy ache or  guilty gut.

 Okay. Here goes. Just know that we're workin' on it. And we'll try to be a better blogger. 

The Spend It Like A Man Jar

What is that, you want to know? Well. The concept came from columnist Jan Malone, lately of the Richmond Times Dispatch, though I don't remember if it originated with her. It goes like this: 

Most men hate to stand in line and to extend that time merely to count out change at the cash register is insupportable. They just hand over a bigger bill and stuff the change in their pockets. When they get home at night they empty their pockets and that change usually goes into some sort of container on their dressers. 

The argument was posed in her article that men also don't want to appear small and petty about insignificant sums. Of course, men have deep capacious pockets that hang from their waists. They are square shaped and they tend to have much higher opinions of their physical appearance than women. The extra width around the hips and upper thighs caused by bulky fabric is nothing to them in exchange for not having to carry stuff around in bags. 

Women, otoh, who traditionally did not have any money or had less, or had to account for every penny to someone else when they returned home, tend to count out each of those to-be-accounted for pennies. Also, women do not want extra width around their hips and upper thighs no matter what causes it. They lug around purses that rival carry-on luggage that seem to grow in weight and width as the day wears on. Women look for any means possible to remove heavy metals from their purses. Thus, they never have change to toss into dishes on their dressers. 

Interestingly enough, both men and women tend to see all bills handed to a cashier as Spent Money - already gone. The change is either an insignificant sum or it's added weight on some poor woman's shoulder. 

Of course, today, many women do have their own money and it is not unusual for it to be a greater sum than that of their men. This break with tradition should be followed, says Ms. Malone, by another one where women spent more like men, using whole dollars, and carrying the change home (in pockets or purses) to put into dishes on dressers or perhaps in jars in closets, just so nobody thinks the accumulated change belongs to the spear side of the family. Yes. Spear side is the opposite of distaff side - who knew? Anyway, If women spent more like men they would accumulate surprising amounts of cash which is tallied up in the "Already Been Spent" category and can now be spent again on fun stuff - like ... New Clothes or that expensive shampoo at Ulta that really does make your hair look thicker. 

And now you know why it is so important that I find my missing Spend It Like A Man Jar. I'm almost out of shampoo! 

Old Dog Learning New Tricks

Shamelessly stolen from Megan Hills at mycartoonthing dot com .  Because if you know TheQueen, you know she does not decorate. She is even less likely to redecorate. She wants her stuff put in place and left there for eternity.  Like a flowing mane of hair, taut abs and other things she has long resigned herself to doing without, decorating is not part of her CV. In fact, furniture buying and renovating fill her with dread. TheCastle is perfectly fine just the way it is for just the way things are. (think "Pawpaw always said ...")  At least, this is true right now - while she's still werking and goes to her lovely office 5 out of 7 days a week.

The thing is - she won't be werking forever. Not too far over the hill, although still a ways to go, is

And all that private space she's had, all these years, in her office, at werk, will belong to some other lucky person and TheQueen will have to find a place to play with her toys somewhere in TheCastle - where ThePrince (Consort) has been strewing his stuff about since 1992!

Uhhhhh. So not happening in this space.

Thus, while I'm still able to escape the madness of a building project, I'm hoping ThePrince  will make some additions to our space. First off is a downstairs bathroom into which geezers can get their walkers and wheelchairs. Wide doors, smooth shower stall, maybe even a flexible vanity top. That way we can move our bedroom to the first floor and I can have that old bedroom for a studio - where my toys don't have to be put away so that we can sit down to dinner. The pleasure of leaving a sewing machine AND an easel set up and ready for play sounds like pure heaven to me.

Of course, such a shift means all the public and joint recreation stuff we do in the den-but-future master bedroom has to be done somewhere else. And that is why, as we slide into our geezer years I am pushing someone to make this house bigger.

but

or should I say

BUT

I do not want this construction project to end up being a deconstruction project. Let it not be the seismic shift that splits a 45 year old relationship apart. We nearly came to blows over the bathroom renovation of a few years ago and every day I have to listen to his complaints about the finished room - now, at last, made of new enough components that it can be cleaned. It fits me just fine but he complains that the tub is too short, too shallow, the shower head is uncomfortable and the sink is too small. I have to go into my head- buzzing white noise space whenever he gets going because, honestly, the bathroom is just fine. It's just not the old bathroom which had been built with second hand tub, tile and a formica counter top.  Old is the operative word - because anything that came before is better than anything that could possibly come after. (that is the first trick this old dog ever learned when it came to ThePrince)

ThePrince and I play well together but we have never worked well together and renovation is very hard work. Also - we have different taste - and we do different things in a house. But this time I am going to learn some learn some new tricks and the first one is to not care what we end up with but to let him build anything he wants. Though he has different taste, he does have good taste. He is the scion of a family of quite notable decorators. All H-family women can decorate. I just have to trust that he won't go off on too wild a tangent as this project unfolds. Now that I think about it - none of my talented sisters "decorate" and even though my artist mother could have been a decorator, she was not so inclined either. We would never go to a furniture store and select a "room". We are far more likely to assemble pretty things we've made or collected in artistic, if eclectic, groupings and besides, I love the old family furniture given to me by my mother-in-law.  I love the stories they tell, even if they don't all go together.

And so I have told ThePrince that the job of choosing for this new bathroom is his. Actually, I told him that he had good taste and I trusted him to select lovely things for this new bathroom. And honestly, I will like whatever he picks (even if he does use the old faucets from the renovated bathroom that he cherishingly stored out in the tool shed).  What I want out of this project is a studio for my toys. And the first step to having a room of my own is to get a bathroom downstairs - and a living room off the end of the house - with a guest bedroom over it.

Because in a few short years I will be here all day long and as it is right now - there's no place for my toys in this house.

A Weight-ey Issue or Getting My Act Together

Ooops. I wrote this a week ago and forgot to post it. But I think it's worth sharing (because of course everyone is interested in mememememe) and it will be interesting to come back here a month from now and see if I hit the target this time. As of last week, 2016 was .0658% over and I hadn't yet mapped out the year with resolutions, plans and lists. At least, I hadn't completed all my lists. Of course, I never do complete them. Usually I just stop adding to them somewhere around Easter.

So - what's the hold-up? What's blocking the flow of New Year's Delight? What's causing me to suffer from Non-Startitis? Time to sit down with TheBrains and figure this thing out.

Okay, guys - what's going on? Why are we such slugs?

LEFT BRAIN: Ho Hum.  La de da da da.

RIGHT BRAIN: Where is the chocolate? Why doesn't anybody have any chocolate around here?

LEFT BRAIN: Vanity Vanity, life is Vanity

RIGHT BRAIN: I need sugar. No. Butter. Where's the butter?

LEFT BRAIN: I think I'll take a nap

RIGHT BRAIN: Cheese! No. I want Cheese. Macaroni and cheese. Lobster macaroni and cheese. with bacon. 


Hey Guys. This is not working. Besides. I know you're listening to me, even if you do pretend you're not.

LEFT BRAIN: Okay. What do you want now? La! I can't wait till I ...

DON'T say it.

RIGHT BRAIN: Say what?

LEFT BRAIN: Okay. I won't. But you know what WE are all thinking

It doesn't matter.  Putting all positive action off till that One Fine Morning will only ruin the here and now and leave a wake of unfinished obligations that shames us in the future. We're going to deal with the sluggishness of 2016 and we are going to start with the Weight Creep. You do realize we're heavier than we've been in 3 years, don't you?

LEFT BRAIN: Don't look at me. I'm not the one pawing through cabinets looking for cheesycocolatesugar bombs.

RIGHT BRAIN: Hey! We're all in this together.

She's right. We're all in this together and we are not all fitting into those skinny jeans, either. So what are WE going to do about it?

RIGHT BRAIN: Yeah, what are WE going to do about it, Miss Naggypants List-maker?

LEFT BRAIN: I've started many lists and whenever things get hard you just wander off. I can't make a list if you aren't giving me input.

Listen, guys, blame throwing isn't going to do us any good. So let's start with this question:  When it comes to our weight, what is non-negotiable?

LEFT BRAIN: Hmmmmm

RIGHT BRAIN: Uhhhhhh

LEFT BRAIN: Getting too fat for all our pretty clothes

RIGHT BRAIN: It has to be fun

Good - now - what is important?

LEFT BRAIN: Not paying Weight Watchers to go to their meetings

RIGHT BRAIN: Looking Hot Hot Hot

LEFT BRAIN: Being at goal

RIGHT BRAIN: Finding a way to eat and exercise that feels comfortable

LEFT BRAIN: But you know that can be hard

RIGHT BRAIN: I don't mind hard.

LEFT BRAIN: It takes time though, to plan and shop for healthy stuff

RIGHT BRAIN: I don't mind spending time and I love to shop

LEFT BRAIN: You have to decide, though. Decide what we are going to eat for the week.

RIGHT BRAIN: I know. It's hard for me to decide but ... but I like to try new things



this is all good. What else is important?

LEFT BRAIN: Health - strength, vigor, pride

RIGHT BRAIN: Yeah! I want to be a winner at the weight game!


Well - good. Good to hear you thinking this through

RIGHT BRAIN: ahem

With Feeling

RIGHT BRAIN: Thanks

So. is there anything that's desirable ... but maybe not really important.

LEFT BRAIN: Weight 143 lbs.

RIGHT BRAIN: Sculpted arms. too cool. wouldn't that be fun?

So are they important?

LEFT BRAIN: Nah. Just ... you know ... desirable.

RIGHT BRAIN: Yeah. I could live my life without either of those.

Okay - so ... What are we going to do about this?

LEFT BRAIN: Hmmmmm

RIGHT BRAIN: Uhhhhhh.

LEFT BRAIN: Ehhhhhh

RIGHT BRAIN: (Pssst. You got any sort of list)

LEFT BRAIN: Well. Okay. Umm. Let's start with the here and now. Let's start with what we weigh tonight at WW.

RIGHT BRAIN: I'm not sure I like WW any more.

LEFT BRAIN: Well, neither am I, but let's give it a try for, oh, say, 5 weeks. Till March 1.

RIGHT BRAIN: Okay.

LEFT BRAIN: So - we start with tonight's weight and we give it a real honest chance. We'll plan out our meals each week and shop for just that stuff.

RIGHT BRAIN: Uh. gulp. Okay.

LEFT BRAIN: We'll plan a dessert every night too.

RIGHT BRAIN: Oh. Whew. that's better.

LEFT BRAIN: but it has to come from the WW cookbooks and fit within the points.

RIGHT BRAIN: I'm good with that.

LEFT BRAIN: And we will get in 10K steps every day.

RIGHT BRAIN: what about the gym?

LEFT BRAIN: We can do that too or instead of, but the fitbit will register 10K steps. Come on - you know you want that. And you know why, you sneaky competitive thing you.

RIGHT BRAIN: (blushing) Yeah. I didn't think I was so competitive.

LEFT BRAIN: I know. In fact, you brag about not being competitive.

RIGHT BRAIN: Well, I don't really care if I'm not the best on the fitbit roster but I do care if I'm not the best AND I didn't reach 10K steps a day. I don't mind if I'm not the best but I mind if I didn't give myself a chance to be.

LEFT BRAIN: I knew that. It's one of the things I like about you. One last thing.... that I promise won't be too hard.  We're going to put a tall cup of water on the kitchen counter every morning when we're making coffee - and we're going to empty it twice

RIGHT BRAIN: Oh - easy peasy. the sink is right there.

LEFT BRAIN: ha ha - funny you. We will drink 2 tall cups of water every day. You know we'll feel better for that.

RIGHT BRAIN: Okay. Just foolin' with ya anyway.

LEFT BRAIN: Okay. So. You good with this plan?

RIGHT BRAIN: Actually - yes. I am.

LEFT BRAIN: Ready to start pawing through the cookbooks?

RIGHT BRAIN: yup.



Well. Good. This is a start. I'm glad you two have a plan. Let's see if we can lick this weight creep - and maybe unplugging that will unplug the creativity too.

LEFT BRAIN: Maybe

RIGHT BRAIN: May Bees don't fly in January either

Cute. Now, lets' roll.

Don't Let Guilt Eat Those Cookies .....

Eat them yourself!

At least, if you ARE going to eat them, tell guilt to beat it, sit down, look at the beautiful cookie, cake, bowl of ice cream, piece of candy - sniff it, admire it, take a little nibble and let it tickle your tongue, let its flavor fill your mouth. Take a real bite. Chew it slowly. Notice the first flavor, the main flavor and the aftertaste. Swallow the whole bite. Think about how good it is. Think about how lucky you are to be rich enough to have this treat. Imagine a time before there even was sugar. Imagine a time when salt was so expensive that a whole bevy of folk lore grew up around it. Say thanks for the treat. Say thanks for your personal wealth. Say thanks for the wealth of our society. And then ... take your second bite.

Because if you can't do that with your treat - is it even a treat?

I'm thinking of all the treats and goodies and sweets and cheeses that I consumed over Christmas - the ones that added 4 extra pounds to my not-too-delicate frame. And I can't remember the pleasure of any of them except Christmas Dinner - when I really DID eat like that.  And Christmas Dinner was a real treat!

ALL the other treats were consumed rapidly, with Guilt at my side, whispering the lie that "If you eat it fast enough the calories wouldn't have time to linger on your belly." or "Hurry, hurry. If nobody sees you eat this, did you really eat it?"  So instead of admitting that that Ferrero Rocher was the chocolaty delight it was and honoring it with true eating respect, I popped it into my mouth, bit down once, chewed rapidly and poof! It was gone. All the pleasure was gone but Guilt hung around like a school bully, smirking at me, double dog daring me, TRIPPLE dog daring me to do it again. And I did.

And you know ... that sucks. And now that it's January and I'm trying to resist all kinds of Other Treats because - hey. I'm rich. (and you don't have to be much richer than to have $1.98 in your pocket) The stores are full. (and the Valentine's Day candy is already out on the shelves)  - I keep trying to remember any of those bites, licks and tastes and I am so mad that I can't. Except the Roast Beef Dinner - which I can remember with that slightly swoony feeling. I don't need another Roast Beef Dinner - with Yorkshire Pudding - any time soon, because I can still go back and remember how good the one I had 2 weeks ago was.  

Huh. Well. That does it. I vow - as one of my 2016 New Year's Resolutions – From now on I will eat all the  treats I want just so long as I'm willing to give them the attention they deserve. From this day forward, I intend to get 100% of the pleasure out of any treat I eat and Guilt will get none. I will never again let Guilt get all the pleasure while I have all the shame. By golly, if I'm going to pack on 4 pounds it's going to have been so worth it.

For The First Time (on a First Day)

Anyone who knows TheQueen knows that she Loves Her A New Year. I've been loving the New Year ever since, in that long ago day when we still lived in Chesterfield, back when it was still Chesterfield and still rural, my dad told me that on N.Y. Day you wrote down your new year's resolutions - things you wanted to do or accomplish in the coming year. The idea of a whole year to spend doing things you wanted to do just thrilled my little 9 year old natural mathematician's heart. I suspect it thrilled his little heart too. He was the king of natural mathematicians (IRS tax man) and used his skills to earn a good living. I, otoh, channel my love of math into Knitting Math and Cooking Math and Sewing Geometry and Strategic Planning Math.  Thank you Daddy, for sharing that love of playing with numbers. 

I have a beloved ritual for New Year's Day and I'll follow it today. It includes looking back at last year and then looking forward at the coming one. I may even light a candle this time (Thank you Michael Rawlings - you darling, you - for that idea. I knew we were soul mates.). I have a long list of ThingsToDo I want to write down. The ideas for that list have been nudging me for about 10 days now, whispering pleas to not be forgotten.  And there are one or two Big Deals that I already knew were on the calendar for 2016.  Good things. Good Big Deals. But already in the works. 

There are also a few ubiquitous things that will gain their reserved seats on my TTD list. Declutter the house, get back to my weight goal, drink more water ... but there's no sense of urgency about them. I think, for the first time ever, I'm not dissatisfied with myself. Whatever tweaking that needs to be done I feel confident I can do it. What dreams I may have already look fulfilled. I am moving into 2016 with the most delightful sense of calm, peace, and bliss. (Even though I suspect there is a horrific letter coming from one of the many irritating health insurance companies we pay $$$ to ... just something I forgot to do, ya know.) Even with that cropping up in January - well - I just think I'm gonna handle that too. It's all going to be alright.  

And that is a first. To step into tomorrow as if it were already here. And I want to tell you - that is one great feeling!  It came as no surprise when I got this little pep talk from my favorite guru, Martha Beck:

Who would you be if you were simply present, like a wild animal, without past or future? What would you do if you didn’t know it was impossible? What would you believe if you trusted that all your longing will be fulfilled? Every time you contemplate a question like these, you become a little bit more bewildered—by which I mean you’re learning to be wilder, to let go of your mind’s judgments and fears and live from your core.

~ Martha Beck, Quarterly Coaches' Newsletter, December 2015

So here's to a blissful 2016.