Search This Blog

Monday, May 30, 2016

Baaaaad Blogger

  I've started at a dozen blog posts and petered out writing them in May - and here it is, almost the very last day of the month with nothing to show for a month of Mayness. Nor any Aprilness, for that matter. Baaaaad Blogger.

Well. Okay. I'm gonna cut myself some slack for my reticence because it has been a tough tough couple of months. Lots of the things I wanted to blog about, or gripe about, or just vent about, were things that don't belong on social media. That's still true, of course, but they're just enough behind me that I don't think I'll slide down that slippery slope.

And of course, that begs the question ... what does belong on social media? If it's all selfies and MyBigFatPerfectLife, then aren't we just 2 dimensional advertisements for the props in our photos?

I'm still enough of a 19th century southern belle to live by the dictum that we "don't air our linen in public". Venting should be restricted to things that deserve vitriol, like, oh, you know, cropped pants.

Even these 7 foot tall models have stumpy short legs in cropped pants! I mean ...who wants to have stumpy short legs?!? or worse - broad derrieres!

Which doesn't mean there isn't a place for shorter pants or jeans, just so long as they taper towards the ankle, a la Audrey Hepburn or they really are jeans you've rolled up so you can go wading in the ocean. That mid-calf flare doesn't do a thing for any woman and in  heels? Sheesh. Really. And yes. Some of my sweetest dearest friends wear them and they all end up with wide derrieres as a result. eh. What's a math loving. proportion seeking geometrist to do?

Or leggings? I don't care how young and fit you are or how far you've strayed in the opposite direction - leggings are for exercising in or layering, as in ... they should come with mandatory tunics. What ever it is you think you look like when you wear leggings with short tops - you don't. You look mostly naked and if you are not at the beach or in a gym class - you shouldn't be dressed like that in public.

Honest and true - there is such a thing as beauty and it starts with proportion. In fact, scientists have demonstrated that the equilateral triangle is the most pleasing shape to the human eye and the more of them you are born with, or can create with artful dressing, the more beautiful you'll appear. Don't believe me? Watch John Cleese's fascinating DVD FACE or read the book - DK 2001. Your public library can get it for you.  And here's a link about it:

So it must be true because, after all, "Scientists Say",  as in this quote from The Guardian's Martin Robbins in his March '12 eponymous article:

"... when the phrase is employed, 'scientists say' no such thing. Some scientists say it, some don't, and some might say something completely different. Often the writer makes little attempt to clarify where the claim stands in the grand order of things."

Nevertheless - FACE is a delightfully interesting documentary and truly worth a few hours of watching.

Okay - that's the sort of venting you're supposed to do in social media.

So - anyway - what's the problem with TheQueen these days that makes her only want to gripe on her blog and ... well ... who cares what bothers her anyway?

Sigh. I am not sure. Or in the places I am sure, I just can't bring myself to spit it out here. So it probably means that I have some hard work to do behind the scenes before I am ready to go public. It's always so much easier to muse about how the process went, than to (B)log my way through the process in real time.  And as I've pondered this, it hit me - I need to start with where I want to be and work my way backwards.  So the other day I sat down with pen and paper and began a list of all the deadlines I have - or at least as many of them as I can think of. With those in hand I began to list the steps that need to be taken to get me where I want to be.

LEFT BRAIN:  sometime in late July or maybe sometime in August - no no no wait! sometime in 2017.

 RIGHT BRAIN: No no! We can't possibly plan that far ahead! Too much! too much!

LEFT BRAIN:  Okay - maybe 2017 is too far out. We'll stop with mid-August.

 Well, hello you two. I thought you'd be lurking around here somewhere.

LEFT BRAIN:   Of course we are. We're in your head. you know that. And it was my idea to start making the lists and charts. I'm the only one around here who can come up with a plan.

 True. Thank you for that. Do you have anything more to add?

LEFT BRAIN:  No. I'm still formulating the plan. And I don't trust you-know-who to say anything sensible.

RIGHT BRAIN:  Of course I wont say sensible things. I only say TRUE things. And it's TRUE that I'm relieved you started a plan because I've been feeling reeeeealy unsafe. And scared. And worried. And overwhelmed. and I think I'll go hide under the pillow right now because that's how I feel these days.

LEFT BRAIN:  I knew that. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure out how to make a plan. I'm still not done with this one yet. It's just a start.

 RIGHT BRAIN: That's okay. It's a start and we really need to start. I already feel a little bit better, even though my tummy hurts. I have guilty gut. I'm going back to bed.

LEFT BRAIN:  I'm checking out too. We just didn't want you to forget about us.

 How could I?  You're in my head - all the time.

LEFT BRAIN:  Better in your head than dead. Which is what you'll be when we aren't here any more.

RIGHT BRAIN: (giggles)

 True. Well hop back into my head ... or go to bed ... while I wind this up. We can come back and lay out the plan when it's finished.

LEFT BRAIN:  plans are never finished. they're dynamic road maps, subject to change.

 You know what I meant. I just wonder if anybody else would understand where I am right now? I mean - should I post this at all?

RIGHT BRAIN: Of course! Spit it out.

LEFT BRAIN:  I agree - put it out there so it isn't cluttering up my work space.

RIGHT BRAIN: Yeah or giving us a tummy ache or  guilty gut.

 Okay. Here goes. Just know that we're workin' on it. And we'll try to be a better blogger.