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Monday, March 14, 2016

The Spend It Like A Man Jar

What is that, you want to know? Well. The concept came from columnist Jan Malone, lately of the Richmond Times Dispatch, though I don't remember if it originated with her. It goes like this: 

Most men hate to stand in line and to extend that time merely to count out change at the cash register is insupportable. They just hand over a bigger bill and stuff the change in their pockets. When they get home at night they empty their pockets and that change usually goes into some sort of container on their dressers. 

The argument was posed in her article that men also don't want to appear small and petty about insignificant sums. Of course, men have deep capacious pockets that hang from their waists. They are square shaped and they tend to have much higher opinions of their physical appearance than women. The extra width around the hips and upper thighs caused by bulky fabric is nothing to them in exchange for not having to carry stuff around in bags. 

Women, otoh, who traditionally did not have any money or had less, or had to account for every penny to someone else when they returned home, tend to count out each of those to-be-accounted for pennies. Also, women do not want extra width around their hips and upper thighs no matter what causes it. They lug around purses that rival carry-on luggage that seem to grow in weight and width as the day wears on. Women look for any means possible to remove heavy metals from their purses. Thus, they never have change to toss into dishes on their dressers. 

Interestingly enough, both men and women tend to see all bills handed to a cashier as Spent Money - already gone. The change is either an insignificant sum or it's added weight on some poor woman's shoulder. 

Of course, today, many women do have their own money and it is not unusual for it to be a greater sum than that of their men. This break with tradition should be followed, says Ms. Malone, by another one where women spent more like men, using whole dollars, and carrying the change home (in pockets or purses) to put into dishes on dressers or perhaps in jars in closets, just so nobody thinks the accumulated change belongs to the spear side of the family. Yes. Spear side is the opposite of distaff side - who knew? Anyway, If women spent more like men they would accumulate surprising amounts of cash which is tallied up in the "Already Been Spent" category and can now be spent again on fun stuff - like ... New Clothes or that expensive shampoo at Ulta that really does make your hair look thicker. 

And now you know why it is so important that I find my missing Spend It Like A Man Jar. I'm almost out of shampoo!