How To Buy A Camera: a Right Brain/Left Brain conversation.

My camera began to leave smudges on pictures last summer. Looking into the lens from the outside I could see a dog hair spread across the glass. I tried to take it out, shake it out, to no avail. I took it to a camera shop and they scoffed - the cost to send it back to the factory just about equaled the cost of a new camera. No. Of course nobody there knew how to open it up and get that dog hair out. It's just a $300 throw-away item. What a scam that is.

There was nothing for it but to start saving for a new camera. I knew I'd have to do that first or a certain complainer I know intimately and spend a lot of time with would add that to the list of reasons I should do without a new camera. And now, 6 months later, the lens is so scratched it hardly matters about the dog hair, so the need is even more pressing.

So. Now I have the need. I have the money. I've had the argument with Someone. So why haven't I bought the durn camera? I think it's time to check in with TheBrains and see what's going on.

* * * * *

Hey. I thought we were going to get a new camera.

dum de dum dum dum

Hey you! You're supposed to be picking out a camera. We did the work. We saved the money. You promised!

Huh? What? God I am sick of winter.

You never do what you say you will.

(Focusing) Don't exagerate. Nobody ever does never

Grrrr. Semantics. You're always promising to do something and then not getting around to it. Where is our new camera?

We have two beautiful new spring dresses.

What's that got to do with it? Why can't you buy us a camera?

Because it's a lot of money and I don't know which is going to be the one we want.

Who cares? they break down after a few years anyway - if you want something different, then just buy a different camera when this one breaks down. Don't you remember that electronics repairman who told us - cameras are now $300 throw-away items?

Alright - then you just go throw away $300.

What is your problem?

You aren't helping any - you have to give me some emotional feedback. What do you WANT in a camera?

I want one that doesn't leave smudges on every photo - I want one with a smooth clear lens

(Rolling her eyes)  Thanks a lot. Any new camera will do that ... till you just stuff it in your pocket and let its new lens get all scratched up.

Oh - so it's my fault now. Seems to me we are both using that camera.

(Sigh) No. It's nobody's fault.  It's just so hard to decide from among 2,030,498,720 different cameras that all cost about the same and if you don't give me some sort of emotional reaction I don't know if I'll ever be able to figure out what's the best choice.  What do you really want?

(Pausing to feel for a moment)  Well. I want a great zoom.

Okay

And I want a viewfinder. or at best one of those tilt out LCD screens

got it

And I want the ability to set the film speed at least up to, what? 1200? you know, 100, 200, 400, 800 ... know what I'm talking about?

yes. I do. so - you want some manual controls

yeah. - and it has to be light! I don't want some 2 pound weight hanging around my neck.

okay. got that.

And I want it to take really good pictures - a good lens

Okay so let's tote all that up.
1. Lightweight
2. viewfinder
3. clear photos
4. big zoom

anything else?

Yes yes. I want it to be fast. you know. I want to be able to press the button and catch the shot. At least I'd like it to be faster than the one we have now.

Hmmm. well. That will take some investigating. I wish I knew a real camera expert.

Why not ask Penny?

Hmm. Okay. Yeah. That's a good idea.

And heck, you could call Keith too - he will have some advice.

oh. Oh. Well. Aren't you smart.

(smirking) I have my own intelligence.

(Grinning) I never doubted it.

So. You gonna pick something out and order it?

Yes. of course. I was always going to do that.

Yeah, but when?

Ummm. when I have decided.

When will that be?

Look - it'll be when it is

(looking stern and slightly rebellious)

ah ah ah - don't you dare start eating blueberry donuts and Cheetos. 

Give me a deadline then

woo woo - who are you to be insisting on deadlines, miss I-Gotta-Feel-Me ?

Right now I'm the one in charge and you are the slacker.  Besides, I need your schedules and deadlines to feel safe. I wish you would set one.

(sighs) Alright. But you must promise to not say "wait wait wait" as I'm clicking on the "purchase" button.

It's a promise. So When?

Saturday. Oh. No. Can't do that. we'll be in the car. Monday. I'll do it Monday morning March 2.

But you'll do all the rest too? Call Penny and Keith?

Yes. 

When?

(eyes widening)

Please? Please make me feel safe with a schedule?

(eyes softening and smiling tenderly) Okay. Here's the schedule.  

Today we will call Penny. 

Tomorrow we will call Keith. 

Wednesday we will look at website reviews. 

Thursday we will talk it over. 

Friday we will decide. 

Monday we will buy.  

How does that sound?

Great! No. GREAT! Thank you.

Well, sugar, Thank you too for pushing me on this. I feel better already.

Me too. 

* * * *

Well - at least they have a plan. Me? I still have my doubts, fueled, I am sure, by this dreadfully long mushy cold icy mud spell of End-0-February weather. Better let them take charge. 

I'll be back Monday with a report.

My Lenten Sacrifice er Opportunity!

   So. Do you do Lent?  Do you pick something to give up for a chunk of time in these last few days of winter? Although I was baptized into a faith that celebrates this season I was raised by skeptical parents who were highly offended by the midieval disciplinary methods used in the parochial school my sister attended and before I was old enough to have an opinion our family joined the ranks of the non-church going secular Americans of the post-war decades.

Mama was certainly a spiritual person - I am sure she was a closet Druid - but if you got too interested in the philosophy of being good - rather than the obedience to parents aspect - you were going to be teased by Daddy who invariably called you Sister Mary Margaret.

So my spirituality went deep inside and shivered in anxiety about dying "before I waked and my soul not getting taked" by the big guy upstairs. Lordy the nights I went to bed terrified I wasn't going to wake up and maybe there would be burning pits of hell licking at my feet.

Fortunately I became a naughty teenager and my dad had a heart attack and suddenly Church and God and Religion and Convent Schools didn't look so bad to him so off I was packed to what turned out to be a wonderful school with kind and liberal teachers who married late 60's philosophy to ancient church doctrines and presented it to this particular teenager in a way that met her spiritual needs. I'm not sure how many Other Girls are wracked with the oft blamed Catholic Guilt but I loved my experience at the convent and hold it close to me still - even if I do it all in my own way - heavily influenced by my Druid mama.

And one of the rituals I love from those long ago years of formal religion is the ritual of Lent. Totally untutored in the doctrine, I believe I understand the intent - which may once have been a primitive way of helping the unlettered get through those last few weeks of near famine that would have been a 12th century February - but certainly now is an opportunity - in this secular, high-tech, over fed, multi-tasking, frivolous era - an opportunity to stop what you are doing, consider the consequences of your actions, identify something that is unnecessary and let it leave your life - even if only for 40 days.

Usually I pick something of a gustatory nature. One year it was to give up Diet Pepsi - which I successfully did but in such a bad spirit, with so much grumbling, that I realized I had done more damage to my soul than anything. I tried that again the next year with a better spirit and came to understand how valuable taking the spirit of the Lenten sacrifice into your heart truly is. It's not a sacrifice - it's an opportunity!  Wow!

So this year I looked around at my life with an eye to the frivolous - the disrespectfully wasteful and identified my target - the iPad matching game apps that suck up minutes and even hours of my time - time that could be used for things that would make me Feel So Good. In my case it's prayer and meditation - two names for the same action of becoming quiet and going within to listen to The Voice. I call it God - and I am utterly convinced that He doesn't care what I call it. But it is easy to blast through life saying "yes yes. I hear you. be back in a sec. let me finish ________________"  and you can fill in the blank.  But at the end of my life I know He's going to say "Come here, sit down beside me and tell me about yourself. What did you do with the life I gave you?"

and  honestly - I don't want to tell Him I spent 10998723487120348045 minutes playing matching games on an iPad. I'd so much rather be able to say "oh - remember that great prayer/conversation we had in 2015? That made me feel so good and helped me do good.  Thanks!"

So the plan is to delete all the games on my iPad and every time I feel the urge to pick up that little plastic slate and tap away, I will instead stop and get quiet and go to my praying place - that spot deep inside me - and have a chat.