The Voices Of Women

I grew up in an all girl house. My poor daddy had more pink undershirts - which we wore all the time instead of nightgowns, and which were constantly being tossed in the wash with our red clothes and coming out just the right shade of girlie-girl pink. He had 4 pink ones for every white one. He was always such a good sport about it but then, secretly, I always thought he had a really strong feminine side. When he got enough of us girls he'd put on an army uniform and head off to a reserves meeting. Sometimes I think he went just to get away from us. We were never sorry to see him go because ....

I grew up in an all girl house.

Girl power was so potent in our house that we even swapped the words around from the old Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails rhymes. One we used to quote was "Girls are dandy, made of candy, Boys are rotten, made of cotton."  Daddy would swap it around and say that Boys were made of candy and we'd shriek with laughter and go grab A Rocket In My Pocket (the origin of that one) and prove to him that it was Boys who were Rotten! Once when a sturdy little neighbor boy was playing in our yard Daddy tried to enlist his support by asking him if Boys weren't dandy, made of candy.  Daddy would turn pink himself, with laughter, every time he'd tell that story, which was often - and admit that he knew he was lost forever when little Chris Chavisty looked at him in horror and said indignantly, while making muscles in his skinny little 6 year old arms, "Boys aren't made of candy. Boys are Tough. They're made of Iron and Steel!"

Poor Daddy.

Lucky me. I loved living in that feminine world. I loved it that nobody clomped through the house. I loved it that you never had to explain yourself to someone who asked "Why are you reading that book again?" or "What do you want white go-go boots for? They won't keep the rain out."

I mean - who the heck needs an explanation for white go-go boots?

I had enough girl friends growing up, but I never really had to look for a girlfriend because there was always some girl in the house who could be your friend, once she got over being mad at you for cutting your paper dolls out in the middle of the bedroom and blowing the little white snips over onto her side. When I was a grown woman with a guy husband and a (boy) baby and a broken down car, but no money, I had no idea why I was so unhappy till I was invited to a baby shower for a girl I didn't even know. Surrounded by all those women, in that room filled with soft feminine voices and graceful gestures - even with the laughter and excitement of a party - I realized that if I don't have girls living in my house I better be sure I have girlfriends I can go spend time with. I will forever be grateful for those sweet ladies at the Baptist Church who invited me to that baby shower. They had no idea how badly I needed them. Happily I met a soul mate woman a scant few weeks later and I was good to go for the rest of my life. We're still friends, though our lives have taken us in different directions and since that lonely year of the broken down car, I've made sure I carved out time to cultivate girlfriends and spend time with them.

Yesterday I took a class on tatting - a kind of lace making using thread and a shuttle and tying knots over tiny rings of thread and then joining them in a pattern. It is, so far, the only fiber art that has defeated me and it brought me to my knees again over the course of 6 hours of trying. I managed to make 3 little circles of 10 knots each - which means that it took me 12 minutes to tie the each knot successfully. (Love me some tatting math)

I have always been successful at both the mental skill of reading and following directions and the kinesthetic skill of manipulating small tools.  Even the ugly babies I made when I first began to spin were at least yarn - and I mastered the rudiments of spinning after watching the first 20 minutes of a video. Surely a class in tatting was all I needed to get the hang of this ... NOT. 

I did grasp what needed to be done to be successful, but these old eyes just couldn't see when what was happening suddenly unhappened. I still think I could learn this but it will take time and  a level of concentration I don't have to give it right now. Other things I already do well are clamoring for my attention and I can always do this next year - at Tara. 

But the beautiful gift I did bring home from yesterday's class (at the delightful Rice's Hotel-Hughlett's Tavern ) was the delicious sensation of being in a room full of women doing beautiful things with their hands in a quiet gentle atmosphere. 

Ohhhhhhhhh I love that feeling - that sound of quietness - of busy hands - that experience of feminine creativity. It was like my childhood home after Daddy went off to his mysterious DaddyWorld. It was the most restful relaxation - in spite of the utter failure of my hands. It didn't matter. It was worth it just to be there with other ladies doing something with string.

I have other girlfriends and we share books and health and exercise and family. We share time and advice and experiences and love. But I don't have any makerr friends right now - no fiber friends - no arty ones - and I have missed that. So one more thing I plan to do - someday - at Tara - will be to spend time in a room full of women who make beautiful things with their hands.

A Whole Stack of Slack

Two 2 weeks ago I posted (on another blog - yes - I've been known to commit blogultry) about not holding myself to too strict a standard, exercise wise.  I thought I'd be getting in some easy cardio exercise while easing myself into strength training again. I know I need to build more muscles and to tighten up some loose (also slack) abs and arms. What I did not count on was an attack of shingles and a hurricane that would keep me indoors and indolent. Fortunately it was a mild attack, caught early after I'd already had the vaccine, so I haven't had the oozing or nerve pain that so many people have suffered. But that didn't mean I wasn't tired, cranky and on the prowl for ice cream.

To add insult to injury - this nice infectious disease struck on a 3 day weekend - I didn't even get to use sick leave - of which I have something like forty bazillion hours. Okay. That's a joke. I am glad I have had a relatively healthy life and thankful that my job has always insured that I would still be paid if I did get sick. Just - ya know. And I don't get that sick leave when I retire. There was some talk about it last year - that you could take up to X dollars of sick leave along with all your unused vacation. Well. I would rather be healthy this coming year than home on sick leave. We'll leave it at that.

There has been a little weight gain since the first of the month but I did not go through the kitchen like a pack-man ball, gobbling everything in my path. I am better now and after Wednesday of the coming week I will be Done With Deadlines - for a while. I can indulge in some gym time and maybe some interesting autumn meal planning. I have a yearning for pumpkin soup.

Well - you just can't help it if you get sick. My Dr. said it was probably stress related and the past 6 months have been nothing but stress. I'm working on releasing it - but my skill at that is only middlin' - my success - moderate.  Fortunately time passes anyway, including the Days Of Deadlines. 

What I have been successful at is to fit a week's vacation into October and am I ever looking forward to it. I should be completely shingleless by then so I can play with daughter in law, who will be home from her own vacation. BD and I might take a little ramble into the mountains. I've signed up for a class in tatting lace. It is all good - and it's coming the week after next.

So a bit about the title of this blog. We have all used the phrase "cut myself some slack" or "Cut somebody some slack" before and if you're like me you probably thought it was an old sailing term that had to do with a loose rope - slack lines - and maybe "cut" in that phrase means to "let out" some loose rope or hold on to some loose rope. Certainly it means don't put people, including yourself, on too tight a leash.

But - have you ever heard the term cut used to mean that?

Me neither.

So a little google play brought up the possibility that it came from barrel makers - coopers - because they built two kinds of barrels. Taut ones that could hold water and slack ones that could hold dry goods. So when they cut the staves from which the barrels were made, the less precise ones could be for slack barrels - whence the term "cutting some slack" which could mean cutting shapes that didn't have to be so perfect.

Well there you have it. The kind of blog post a librarian writes.

LEFT BRAIN:  With help from a wordy left brain, that is.

TheBrains Ponder the Efficacy of Rewards + Some Chart Bling

 I was talking with someone the other day about my chart and the bling stickers and how they're helping me, when I suddenly realized why I don't respond well to rewards and I am so inspired by glitter bits. Now let's see if I can translate that AhHa sensation into language other people can understand.

LEFT BRAIN: You'll need my help.

RIGHT BRAIN: But I'm the one who recognized it first.

 

  True. You are both right. Well, LB - see if you can explain. RB - listen and tell us if she's got it right.

LEFT BRAIN:It's like this. When you put some big reward out there - something you really want - then obviously you really want it. And we're not dysfunctional enough to think that we don't deserve the things we want. We're wise enough to think we don't deserve the things we can't afford but that's just going to stimulate us to either save for them or earn more for them. But have them? Of course we can have the things we want. We don't want heroin or tickets to a dog fight. We want things that are either neutral or good for us. Things that might even define us. Pretty clothes, vacation trips, a decent car, a new bathroom.

 RIGHT BRAIN:  (Ha! Won't get that in our lifetime, I betcha)

LEFT BRAIN: Funny. So tying the act of  getting things we really want - that we can afford and that at least do no harm - to our weight, our behavior or anything else, is playing a sick game of manipulation and punishment with ourselves. We would never do that with friends or children or loved ones. Why in the world would we do that to ourselves?

RIGHT BRAIN: Yeah. That's just sick. If I want Pretty Christmas Clothes I can have them.

LEFT BRAIN:But a bling chart - well - that's so tiny - so insignificant it's like a sip of water - or a coloring book. It's just fun. A bling chart is like a board game. You have to follow the rules when you play a board game - or you aren't playing it - you're just playing with the pieces. But it doesn't matter if you actually win the board game. It's a game. So getting to put bling on a chart is something to do that's fun. If it also nudges you in the direction of healthy eating or more exercise or a calmer approach to meals - well, all the better.  Getting to put bling on a chart doesn't really make clothes fit better.  But knowing you get to put bling on the chart if you fulfill the small task of ... staying within your points/calories or setting the table and dining in a different way - well - that's just fine. That helps us remember before we pop that slice of cheese in our mouth or filch that cookie out of the lunch room at work. It's that pause that's important. Getting to play with chart bling is something that helps us be more mindful. You have to remember about the bling as one of the rules of the game. Then you choose - to bling or not to bling.

RIGHT BRAIN: LOL!  So we don't have to do the Reward Thing anymore right?

LEFT BRAIN:I don't see why we should. Unless you think of chart bling as a reward.

RIGHT BRAIN: I don't think. I feel. What about saving money? I mean - isn't that a reward?  And don't we already own that money and can't we do what we want with it? Within the limits of family debt, of course.

LEFT BRAIN:Well, yes we do. The only reason we'd save money would be for the fun of splurging on ourselves without having to adjust our spending elsewhere. We can splurge within the limits of family debt.

RIGHT BRAIN: Oh. Hmm. Yes. Well. Hmmm. So we get to save money. We don't have to. Well. I feel like I want to save money too.

LEFT BRAIN:Alright. I am good with that. How much?

RIGHT BRAIN: Uh. I don't know.

LEFT BRAIN:How about $25 for each week we fill up that chart?

RIGHT BRAIN: What about the weeks when we only half way fill it?

LEFT BRAIN:Okay - How about $15 for every week we fill up some of it.

RIGHT BRAIN: Yeah. I like that. I like that a lot. and then we get to go shopping for US in December.

LEFT BRAIN:Yep. Then we get to go shopping. And we won't feel either resentful or guilty about rewards ever again, right?

RIGHT BRAIN: RIGHT!

  Well. it looks like TheBrains have it all figured out. For now. Till things change. Tomorrow. At Tara.

LEFT BRAIN: (psst - she's SUCH an ENFP. She can't even come to closure with something as simple as this. But we love her anyway)

RIGHT BRAIN: And here's the chart with bling on it!  

Something Fresh For Fall with TheBrains

Sweet. Inspired by this SparkPeople Blog  I'm going to set Three New SMART Goals. These will be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely.  Just thinking about doing this feels like standing in front of the candy counter and trying to choose only 3. And since this is the week that holds the First Day Of September - which is BIRTHDAY MONTH !!!! - I'm going to start today.

LEFT BRAIN: How timely.

RIGHT BRAIN: (snicker)

Oh. Hello. You two are always around, aren't you.

RIGHT BRAIN: You wouldn't be you without us.

LEFT BRAIN: I liked the way you opened the door to our participation too, with that sentence about the candy counter.

RIGHT BRAIN: Yes. Thanks for remembering me.

LEFT BRAIN: And thank you for being so calm and patient while we shopped, yet again, for a bathtub. It was worth it too, because we got a rather luxurious one, now, didn't we.

RIGHT BRAIN: and saved money too!

 You are both most graciously welcome. So. Three SMART goals for the fall. First off - how long should we give ourselves to reach these goals?

LEFT BRAIN: Till the first week in December. That's 3 months. It encompasses most of Autumn. And it will get us over the big Thanksgiving Feast. How do you feel about that?

RIGHT BRAIN: mmmm. feels pretty good to me. Feels like enough time to accomplish something without being unending.

 Okay. So. How many weeks is that - from now till the first week of December?

LEFT BRAIN: 13 weeks.  Think about it.  What do we want to accomplish in 13 weeks? And these are all weight related, fitness related, NOT werk related goals. If you want, we can do that another day for werk stuff.

RIGHT BRAIN: Whew.

LEFT BRAIN:  have another look at that list in Melissa Ruddy's blog. anything there that tempts you?

RIGHT BRAIN: They all do. I'm the one who can be tempted!

LEFT BRAIN: Yes and you're the one who can be tempted away. I think we ought to put a mighty big carrot out there to keep you focused.  And these ought to be just enough different to sort of wake us up. Like - what about eating dinner at the dining room table ... hmmm ... say ... twice a week? Just Himself and us - not waiting for company.

RIGHT BRAIN: oh. well. that sounds ... different. I don't see how that will get us to our Happy Weight and into pretty Christmas Dresses.

LEFT BRAIN: LOL - already picking out your rewards, huh?

RIGHT BRAIN: LOL You know me.

LEFT BRAIN: But I'm thinking it's the shift - the change - the ... the spicing things up of eating at the dining table that might just make things ... more fun as well as more focused.

RIGHT BRAIN: Alright. Yes. You know. I like that idea.

 LEFT BRAIN: And we can make it happen by going in to the gym on Thursday mornings early and doing strength training like we did when we had a trainer. That means we can go home early and take time with dinner.

RIGHT BRAIN: Yes. but other nights we're SOOO tired that .... twice a week might be too much.

LEFT BRAIN: alright here's an idea. What about Monday nights we eat without watching DVD's, but on the trays in the living room - so we can listen to music or talk. And Thursday nights we dine sur la table?

RIGHT BRAIN: Yeah. Yes. I like that a lot.

LEFT BRAIN: Okay - that's Goal #1.  Movieless Mondays and Tabled Thursdays.

RIGHT BRAIN: What's Goal #2?

 LEFT BRAIN: Oh! Morning walks!

 RIGHT BRAIN: Oh yes! I love morning walks.

 LEFT BRAIN: You know that means cutting way back on the morning internet play.

RIGHT BRAIN: Yes but it'll help us get those 10K steps in without horning in on other exercise

LEFT BRAIN: And give us more time with the dogs - I miss not walking with them. And they're all those SMART things.

RIGHT BRAIN: so - how many?

LEFT BRAIN: I think - 3 werk days and one weekend. Of course, the weekend is usually a given and it doesn't count if we're away - like for Emily's wedding. so maybe we should keep it to 3 days a week. Monday, Tuesday, and Friday.

RIGHT BRAIN: I like that. measurable and specific and attainable and all the rest of that SMART stuff.

LEFT BRAIN: So - Goal #2 is 3 Morning Dog Walks starting no later than 7:15? 7:30? Obviously not going to start THAT today. but minimum 7:30 we're out the door?

RIGHT BRAIN: It's a deal. what about Goal #3?

LEFT BRAIN: We-uhl. You know we're eating crazy bad right now. You KNOW 30 points 4 days a week will get us to our happy weight. You know what that last goal has to be.

RIGHT BRAIN: No. I don't know anything.  But I feel like we've indulged in snarky eating long enough. I'm okay with that as a final goal.

LEFT BRAIN: Alright. Goal #3 will be Eating at 30 Points 4 Days a Week. Any 4 that work for us. - now

would you like a chart?

 RIGHT BRAIN: Oooo yes! I'd LOVE a chart. Can we make one today?

LEFT BRAIN: LOL - if we get all our werk done.

 RIGHT BRAIN: oh. that sounds like another goal.

LEFT BRAIN: LOL - it is but it's a werk goal.

RIGHT BRAIN: And what about rewards? Can we have weekly rewards?

LEFT BRAIN: Hmmm. you know - they're always so hard to pick and so hard to deliver on. Especially if they're, ya know, acquiring something. How about this? How about making a Pretty Christmas Clothes Fund. And we can earn stars or something each week and if we do we can put money in the fund?

 RIGHT BRAIN: hmmm. I like the chart and stars thing. Or maybe even cooler stickers. but .. Not sure .. how much money? And do we have to get rid of clothes if we go buy new ones?

LEFT BRAIN: Of course we do.

RIGHT BRAIN: oh. hmm. That sounds like more work. more culling and clearing and stuff.

LEFT BRAIN: Oh - we'll have to do that anyway sometime this fall as we put away summer and get out winter.

RIGHT BRAIN: Yeah. Okay. Well. Hmmm.  I like the stars.

 LEFT BRAIN: Alright - How's this for a plan? Let's just make the chart and get cool stickers and after a week - we'll decide how much $ we want to save. If we even want to save $. How do you like that?

 RIGHT BRAIN: (smiling) I like that a lot. I love it when we make charts.

LEFT BRAIN: I know you do. So let's be really productive today so we can make that chart this afternoon. And remember, too, why we're doing all this anyway?

RIGHT BRAIN: Oh. Why are we?

LEFT BRAIN: Why - so we can dance through December like the Christmas Fairy in beautiful clothes and looking slender and sylphlike.

 RIGHT BRAIN: LOL!! I love that! I can just see me as a slyphan grandma-2-B.

LEFT BRAIN: LOL. We'll be a beautiful grandma. And our hair will be a normal color by then too.

 RIGHT BRAIN: Ugh! Don't remind me.

 RIGHT BRAIN:  LEFT BRAIN:    so - how do you like DaPlan?

I like it a lot. My thanks to you, my beautiful TheBrains and thanks to Sparker Melissa Rudy!