At least, I had them this week - those mean old misr'y lovin' low down blues. And I got to thinking about them - about where they come from - not the sadness blues that come when your Mama dies or the sickness blues that come when you're in bed with the flu, but the mean old misr'y lovin' blues that just come when there are way too many happy things in your life but something made you think of the one thing you really hate about your life and from that moment you just got downer and downer, bluer and bluer.
And after I'd felt crummy for long enough (Thanks, Mom) I got to working on untying that knot. I got to asking myself, "What triggers that downward spiral. Why am I investing so much emotion, painful emotion at that, in something that is either in the past or I've been living with it for, oh, maybe 62 years, or it isn't really that big a deal? What makes me pick at a scab? "
Mind now - I had to wrestle with it for a few days but at some point yesterday it struck me.
I get the blues when I'm wanting to be RIGHT more than wanting something to WORK.
One of my mottos - one of the defining things I've always claimed about ME is that I would rather make things work than be right. It is why I am quick to seek compromise, delegate responsibility, give my trust - it is why I've adopted FAITH as my guiding word for this year - perhaps for the rest of my life! (though there are so many other words that describe concepts I want to embrace)
When it's more important for you to be RIGHT, you'll argue with someone who's doing what you want him to do, just not the way you want him to do it. Or worse yet - you won't tell him how ticked off you are when you come home and find the dirty dishes are still in the sink.
I mean - if you wanted it to WORK you'd just say "put the dishes in the dishwasher before I get home"
If you want to be RIGHT there are all sorts of things you can say. "Can't he see these dishes need to be put in the dishwasher? How selfish can he be to loll around here all day, and leave this mess for me to clean up? When I've been at WERK all day! What does he think I am? His SLAVE?"
What? Huh? Why would you think that's been going on at my house this week?
The great thing about thinking about problems is sometimes you find an answer that can be applied to Other Things. Things like motivation to reach your goals. Try this idea on for size.
When you want to be RIGHT the most - you will be mad that you can't eat a bag of M&Ms and 2 slices of pizza and slurp down a milkshake and stay slim. You'll resent it and eat those things anyway and claim you were tempted beyond reason or everyone else was doing it or the American food advertising industry is out to sabotage you.
But when you want it to WORK you do things differently. You either say no to the nutrition-less food or you chose the nutrition dense food or you drive past the fast food stands. Those are actions that will fix something you don't like. It's not a judgement call. It's a deeply personal decision. You decide if you want to be RIGHT or if you want things to WORK.
And here is the secret, fun, added bonus: When things WORK .... you ARE right.